Where is the Wisdom in these teeth?

Im sat in the waiting room of the emergency dental hospital and have been for the last hour. I took my ticket ‘green 7′ and begin to wait.

Life begins to stir behind reception as an unhelpful, snappy troll like figure starts barking her orders to prove she is the lord over the reception desk domain. Ok, so some of the muppets who have turned up late demanding to be seen without a green ticket are asking for trouble, and the troll freely and happily dispenses with ways in which they can fornicate off. They do deserve it.

As I type, one of the muppets who thinks she’s above the rest tries for another shot at demanding to be seen in a vain attempt to catch the troll off guard. The troll looks like she had her weetabix this morning and immediately cuts her down where she stands. This women should be in politics.

So I’m approaching 90 mins now and the troll is happy with her coffee and 5.95 an hour. A few have tried to slip in under the net but the troll’s just too damn quick for them.

The health service is a joke in this country. I’m about to get tarred with a brush for not having my own dentist, but like an average of 4m people I cannot get into an NHS practice and cannot afford a private one. The last filling cost me 40 quid on the NHS, private treatment would cost at least double that. I pay my stamp and tax and then have to pay for a supposedly free health service.

Anyway, I’m rambling. I’m going to be seen soon, but don’t get excited just yet, they only want my name and to ask me the obligatory ‘do you have a dentist’ question. Can you imagine if I owned a gun? Calamity would ensue, peace would rain down from the heavens. I’m bored now, more later

So… 2 hours go by, and I am holding up pretty well considering the pain I am in and the dull drudgery that surrounds me. The only magazines I can find and oversized dental mags, or bloody “womens own”. Games on my mobile can only sustain for so long.

At last I get to go see a pre-dental dentist. She sits me in the chair, asks me 40 or 50 questions about my health and my familys health. Then after about 15 minutes in the chair, she finally asks me to open wide so she can have a look. I have no idea what this achieved, as she ummed and arrrred then handed me a form. Said form was for an X-Ray and had to be dropped off in the little X-Ray tray on another desk, 50 yards down another corridor. God damn it.

45 minutes more and I am in for the X-Ray. It’s over quick enough, the dood taking the X-Ray manages to hurt my tooth quite nicely, I refrained from stabbing him with my phone.

With the X-Ray done I am sent back to the waiting room. So far we have clocked up 4 hours waiting and messing around. I know what’s going to happen, they know it too, but the formalities have to be followed.

Not long this time, about 30 minutes give or take a lifetime and I am in to have the X-Ray assessed. “we are going to have to take the 2 out I’m afraid” she coos at me, trying to curry my favour, make me feel all relaxed and special. Tart. Surprise surprise, my response was thus “I could have told you that 4 hours ago” She smiled a faint disgusted smile and sent me back to the waiting room while a real dentist becomes available to do the dirty work. I would pity her if I did not admire her lack of care. A real unfeeling bitch, I like it.

Another hour later and we are rocking, I have been called and told to follow, to which I dutifully do as I am told. I follow the girl through the corridors, the screams get louder so I know I am headed in the right direction. Round the last corner and straight into another bloody waiting room. I am told to sit down and that the wait could be some time as they are busy. Damn

The pain killers I took this morning are starting to wear off by this point. So I am getting agitated and restless and my thoughts digress into how to solve the NHS problems we have. I almost had the solution too when I get called in to see the dentist. The guy takes a look at my X-Rays and then asks me which teeth are being pulled. Sigh.

First things first, lets get my mouth numb. He manages to hurt the hell out of me, missing my gum twice and stabbing me in the bad tooth, then the inside of my cheek becomes the needles playground. It’s all fun and games today.

While we wait for the novacaine to take effect he tells me he is from overseas and that when he came here he could not get a job as a dentist. So while he waited for a position on the bottom rung of the ladder he delivered pizzas and Chinese meals all over the area. I regret to inform my readers that at this point I wanted to a) punch him, b) run, and c) place an order for food.

Onto the extraction… Needless to say, the novacaine failed to work, my protestations of “give me 2 needles full please” seem to go unheard. He gripped my tooth and my gum with those wonderful pliers they use and yanked. .OH. .MY. .GOOD. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The pain was unbearable, and I have to admit that I went white as a sheet and that was what stopped him. But alas, he was kidding, gripped the tooth again and yanked it out. I nearly launched him off the floor when his hands were out of my mouth. The thought of any puckered cavity and the dental drill did flash through my mind, but I admit I was in no fit state to be torturing anyone today.

So I am out of the door, minus 2 teeth, 6 hours and a wad of gauze in one hand and a clenched fist for the other. Now I have to look forward to the bleeding and the wearing off of the novacaine. Awesome.